Pursuit of Legendary Parenthood

It's Monday.

Our kids are off school for a holiday.

I was super excited about it too. I had all kinds of plans to be a perfectly-present Pinterest mom today.

I wrote my intentions on my planner, scheduled a day full of dance parties, play places, and memory making.  I even scribbled a few notes to myself saying things like,

"Your to-do list is important, but your kids are more important. Love on them."

That might sound silly to some, but being present is something I struggle with as a task-oriented person. I am constantly looking for the next thing to cross off of my to-do list, forgetting that sometimes it's okay to simply be.

Well, the day started as did my to-do list. Despite all of the pep talks and notes I wrote, things were not panning out as I had hoped.

Fast forward to now. It's 3pm and I'm completely exhausted. I fed my kids fast food for lunch, and I just exploded on my six-year-old like a raging volcano that's been waiting hundreds of years for its eruption debut.

Nothing went as planned.

Not a single dance party took place, we hadn't made it to the play place, and I instantly began hoping and praying my six-year-old wouldn't be permanently damaged by the way I just yelled at him.

The kids were, well...

Kids.

They were whining and running around making messes, and laughing too loud, and arguing. Nothing major, but enough to drive me insane.

I know that life isn't always going to be perfect. I know we will always have days that regardless of how hard we try, they won't go as planned. I know all of this, but I also know on my end, I can be better.

And I'm constantly trying to be present with them, and falling short.

And then when I am present with them, I'm feeling like I'm failing because they'll never learn how to be independent and entertain themselves.

Sometimes I give them grace and let things go when they do wrong, but then I remember, "If you give them an inch, they'll take a mile."

So then other times, I don't give them an inch. I'm a drill sergeant with high expectations, and yes, they listen, but being so robotic makes me feel un-relatable and cold. That's not the kind of mom I want to be.

Parenting is hard to navigate. You're literally in charge of keeping tiny humans with no sense of reality alive! On top of that, it's your duty to instill in them all they need to know for this life, while also making sure you don't completely screw them up.

That's a lot. It's a privilege for sure, but a scary one.

I know what kind of mom I want to be, and I'm just not there yet.

I'm not striving to be this picture-perfect family, I'm really not.

My kid's socks don't need to match all of the time. I really don't have a problem if they play outside and get stains on their clothes, and I understand that there will be days of disappointments. I'm fully aware that no matter what decisions we choose as parents, at the end of the day, someone will always disagree. That's ok. I'm okay with all of that.

But I'm not okay with blowing up, even if everyone does it every now and then.

I'm not okay with laying my head down at night and feeling guilty that I didn't pay enough attention to my kids because my work and the weight of this life took priority over them.

I'm not okay with being afraid that they will remember the working, cleaning, stressed out parents more than they will remember the expect-a-lot-but-goofy, protective yet fun, and strict but understanding parents.

I'm not okay with that.

I want to love my kids like Jesus loves us, but it's stinkin' hard.

I also want to love my kids like Bob Goff loves his. Not saying he's Jesus, but he seems like he was a pretty cool dad.

Basically, I just want to find my groove. It's not a groove of perfection, but a groove where I know that even if I screwed up, I'm still striving to be the best parent I can be. I don't want to just survive this season.  I want to look back without regrets, knowing that I gave it my all. I want to be better and do better, so my kids will be better and do better.

I don't want my kids growing up and saying, "I don't want to be like my mom." I want the opposite.

I don't want to be perfect. I don't want to be robotic. I don't want to be bland. I don't want to be too lenient.

I just want to be legendary. Is that too much to ask?

I've got a long way to go.

I think Corey would agree if I said that we both have a long way to go.

We are striving for legendary parenthood and in order to achieve that we will be plugging into books, interviewing legendary parents to pick their brains, and more.

You should join us in the pursuit.

"If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family."
-Mother Theresa